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Last week’s episode of One Tree Hill was one of the more gut-wrenching installments of the series. We watched each of the characters deal with Quentin’s unexpected demise, and the already depressing episode reached true Debbie Downer levels when Jamie draped Q’s cape over his coffin at the funeral. Aside from that, Dan discovered that Nanny Carrie is crazy because her son died, but we don’t really care. We just want to see the poor man’s Annie Wilkes get a grisly comeuppance, which can’t come soon enough.
On tonight’s One Tree Hill, Nathan reacts to the relationship between Skills and Deb, and Haley decides to look into Dan’s disappearance.
As One Tree Hill begins, Skills and Nathan (James Lafferty) are working out their tension on the basketball court. Meanwhile, Ghost Quentin is hanging around and haunting the entire gang. His death seems a lot less depressing now that he’s appearing randomly around town. Later that morning, Nathan kicks Deb out of the house after confronting her about her fling with his best friend. He packed her bags for her and everything, which is kind of considerate.
A famous rocker named Mick Wolf shows up at Peyton’s studio to lay down some tracks, but things get awkward when he tells her that she looks just like her mom. He used to know Ellie back in the day, but he claims he didn’t know Peyton’s father. That’s because he totally is her father, which is a twist we can all see coming from 300 miles away.
Brooke (Sophia Bush) tells her therapist that she knows her mother was behind her attack. Victoria knew about the sketches that were stolen, and those sketches would help her take over the company. Brooke says the entire scheme sounds Shakespearean, which is kind of hilarious to me. It makes me giggle hearing any plot line on One Tree Hill compared to Shakespeare.
Crazy Nanny Carrie randomly takes a seat next to Deb in the park, telling her that she’d do anything to protect an adorable kid like Jamie. The fact that Nanny Carrie now has a sympathetic side is kind of annoying. After chatting with the loon, Deb heads to Skills’ place to break things off with him. She can’t be in a relationship that hurts her family, and though Skills tries to talk her out of it, Deb shoots him down.
After a visit to Dan’s hilariously garish headstone, Haley (Bethany Joy Galeotti) and Jamie stop by his house for a visit. Grandpa Dan hasn’t been picking up his newspapers, so Haley lets herself in to see if he’s keeled over. She doesn’t find a rotting corpse, so she goes home to console Skills about his break up. He asks her to talk to Nathan about the situation, and she does so by reminding Nate that he once slept with her sister. Ah, such good memories. Haley’s also worried about Dan’s disappearance, though Nathan couldn’t care less.
Brooke tells her therapist that she bought a gun, and also lets her know that she’d be perfectly happy if her mother died. That’s all going to sound awfully suspicious if Victoria ends up with a bullet to the face. Brooke claims she has no desire to physically harm her mom, but I’m still hoping this storyline ends with matricide.
Remember Samantha? She’s a REBEL! She’s a shoplifter who talks SASS! She’s TOUGH and doesn’t take any guff! Anyway, annoying Samantha gets in a catfight at school, which would be interesting if there were more hair pulling and someone falling in a fountain. Haley breaks things up before any shirts get ripped off, and rebellious Samantha refers to her as Hannah Montana before storming off like the angry rebel she is. I roll my eyes and sigh loudly, wishing her character would be kidnapped by an evil nanny.
Back at Who’s Your Daddy Music Studios, Mick tells Peyton (Hilarie Burton) that her father’s romance with Ellie was lengthy and passionate. She was Keira Knightley and he was James McAvoy, except without the naughty library sex.
Supremely adorable Jamie (Jackson Brundage) tells Nathan that there’s nothing wrong with Nanny Deb and Uncle Skills making out. Why is Jamie smarter than his father? Despite the wise words from the five-year-old, Nathan is less than thrilled to see Skills at the basketball game later that day. Skills begs him to understand, but Nate is still being assy about it. Meanwhile, Haley tries to be nice to Rebel Grrl Sam, but she’s still far too annoying to take her teacher’s charity. This is kind of the exact same thing that happened with Quentin last season, which means we can look forward to Sam being shot sometime in season 7.
After Lucas (Chad Michael Murray) and his scrubby beard pay a visit to Q’s mom, she stops by the locker room to give an inspirational pep talk to the Ravens. It’s all very cheesy and schmaltzy, but it ends with Jamie and little Dre giving each other a high five in slo-mo, so that makes up for it. Just when I think the speechifying is over, Lucas and his stubble of doom ramble some more about Quentin’s death. He tells everyone attending the game that Q’s number will never be worn by another member of the Ravens.
Let’s go hang out with Nanny Carrie, who is tired of stealing the plot of Misery and would rather hijack a storyline from Fatal Attraction. She bunnynaps Chester from Jamie’s room and threatens to eat him if he acts up. Seeing Jamie react to Chester’s disappearance is going to make me more depressed than Quentin’s funeral. If the bunny gets hurt, I’ll protest in the streets.
Brooke and her gun go confront Victoria in New York. Mommy Dearest claims that she knows nothing about Brooke’s attack, but of course Brooke doesn’t believe her. Victoria goes on to tell Brooke that she was an accident and that her father was a total douchebag, which is what every daughter longs to hear. Brooke decides that she’s had her fill of evil schemes. She’s going to hand Clothes Over Bro’s to her mother, but only if it’ll get rid of her once and for all.
Lucas doesn’t have time to shave, but he does have time to dole out a thousand hackneyed speeches to the basketball team. To honor Quentin, the team is going to play the rest of the season with four players instead of five. Apparently, Quentin will be honored when the Ravens lose every game due to being outnumbered. All of these scenes on the court are riddled with horrendous cliches and god awful inspirational speeches, and it’s all making me want to toss myself in front of a bus. Go away, Lucas!
As the episode comes to an end, Mick is still playing coy about being Peyton’s daddy, Nanny Carrie is plotting Jamie’s abduction, and Nathan agrees to let Deb (Barbara Alyn Woods) move back in. He doesn’t want to see her with Skills (Antwon Tanner) or hear about their sexy shenanigans, but he’ll put up with it otherwise. Haley finds out that Dan never showed up to claim his new heart, which means that next week she’ll be in full-on Nancy Drew mode. Anything that stops Lucas from bludgeoning me to death with inspiration works for me.
The clips from next week’s episode show Nanny Carrie running around with an ax in hand like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Yes, the writers are having her reenact scenes from every major horror flick since 1980. I can’t wait until she puts on razor claws and a hockey mask and starts killing off horny teens.
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One Tree Hill.
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One Tree Hill “You’ve Dug Your Own Grave, Now Lie In It” below.
